Of Tom Petty, Water Pipes, and Feeling High
by Onee-san
Summary: Kurt and Puck partake in some illegal substances while listening to Passive Rock. Hilarity and sexy times ensue. SMUT! BOY-BOY SMUT! Don't like, don't read. Heavy drug use and paraphernalia.


**Title:** Of Tom Petty, Water Pipes, and Feeling High

**Word Count:** 7,157 (yikes!)

**Summary:** Kurt and Puck partake in some illegal substances while listening to Passive Rock. Hilarity and sexy times ensue. SMUT! BOY-BOY SMUT! Don't like, don't read. Also, drug use and paraphernalia. You've been warned. If you're underage, go away. Well, you don't have to, but I won't be held responsible if this scars you for life.

**A/N:** Well, this is unique. I'm not sure where it came from. There is a little bit of OC on both parts, I think, but considering the lovely situation our characters find themselves in, there wasn't any helping it. Also, this is my first real attempt at porn, now that I'm an adult and actually know what smut is. Enjoy?

Extended A/N: Well I'm a retard. I totally got dyslexic for a second and put MS3TK instead of MST3K. Mystery Science 3 Theatre Thousand? Not much sense making. Mystery Science Theatre 3000. That sounds more accurate. Someone probably pointed it out in a review, and I with my backwards letters didn't notice it. Great show, btw. Y'all should look it up. :)

* * *

Kurt closed his eyes as he harmonized with the Tom Petty song drifting through his brain via the blue iHome that held his iPod. A grin formed on his face as he felt the familiar buzzing sensation between his ears and behind his eyes, opening his mind to uninhibited ideas, actions, and thoughts. Puck grinned also, looking at him with half-closed eyes.

"Dude, have you ever noticed that you can taste music?" Puck asked as he set the glass bong down between them. The blue and pink water-pipe still smoked a little. Kurt looked down at it and back to Puck, wondering if his still-mohawked friend (come on, that was _so_ high school) knew about the red cherry in the bowl.

"Are you gonna clear it?" he asked, completely ignoring Puck's bizarre thought about music.

"Oh, er… nah. Go ahead." Kurt picked up the piece and inhaled the rest of the smoke, pulling the carb and clearing the chamber. He slowly exhaled putting the bong down a little out of the way on his other side.

"This is good shit, man." Kurt never knew when he dropped his eloquence and started speaking the language of stoners, but somewhere along the line it became an easier way to communicate with his friends who would frequently imbibe the ganja. Besides, he kind of felt like it made him sound like Keanu Reeves, who is hot, so Kurt didn't mind so much.

"Kurt, can't you taste it? Can't you _taste_ Tom Petty's lyrics?" Puck asked as the chorus for You Don't Know How it Feels started up again. Kurt listened for a minute, letting the mellow sounds wash over him.

_So let's get to the point, let's roll another joint,_

_Let's head on down the road, there's somewhere I gotta go…_

"Nope, you're just really high, man." Kurt laughed, resting his head against the couch cushion. It was one of those lazy summer nights. He and Puck sat together on the floor in front of the couch in the den of his house, completely alone. Finn was off at a party, trying—once again—to reconcile things with Rachel. Or Quinn. Kurt wasn't sure. Kurt's parents were off for the weekend somewhere… probably Toledo. Kurt's legs were stretched out lazily in front of him, and Puck sat cross-legged.

"I'm just sayin' there's some definite music tasting going on here." Puck's red-rimmed dark eyes glinted at the thought of tasting musical notes.

"What does it taste like?" Kurt asked, rolling his head around to look at Puck. He was too lazy to properly turn it, so he let gravity do the work for him.

"Like… vibrations."

"Dude, vibrations is not a flavor," Kurt snickered.

"Yeah well… you're not a flavor!" And Kurt had to bust up laughing at that because it was the most ridiculous comeback Puck could have come up with. It didn't even make sense. Then Puck started laughing with him and there was no stopping it. The giggles would just keep bubbling up from somewhere in Kurt's chest and come out of his mouth, making it harder to breathe. Slowly Kurt was getting concerned that he was laughing too hard to breathe at all, but that idea was so strange that he laughed even harder. Thus he was stuck in a paranoid loop in his brain on whether or not he was laughing too much to be safe. The worst part was every time Kurt calmed himself down, Puck would say something—either to defend himself or to be funny, Kurt wasn't sure which—and Kurt would dissolve all over again.

* * *

Kurt had one thing right. Puck was really high. Really, really high. Like, as high as the girl in Smiley Face, which is pretty fuckin' high. He wasn't sure when they started smoking together. Hell, he wasn't sure when Kurt ever started smoking anything. He always thought that kid would be too concerned over his voice to do anything fun. But according to Finn, Kurt didn't want to go into musical theatre since he went to New York. He thoroughly embraced his love of fashion and decided to double major with journalism. At any rate, one day at a party Kurt brought brownies of a special nature, and Puck—no stranger to the sweet taste of Mary Jane—ate some with his former fellow glee-clubber. An hour and a half later found them sitting together on the stairs to Rachel Berry's basement discussing the impact of The Doors. This was the foundation of their friendship—weed and passive rock. Puck didn't even know Kurt _liked_ passive rock. But there you have it. Now whenever Kurt managed to come home (for a three day weekend and school breaks, because otherwise he couldn't justify a nine-hour drive both ways) they would smoke together. Normally it was at Puck's place, because Kurt's Dad, no matter how cool, would probably not take too kindly to his kid getting stoned in the basement.

Puck learned some really cool things about Kurt, too. The kid loved Doctor Who.

"_All of the doctor's are hot, for one thing. I mean, I know David Tennant is kind of scrawny, but he's gorgeous! And Tom Baker's got like, the world's greatest jew-fro!"_

"_I don't think it counts as a jew-fro…"_

"_And he's The Doctor! I mean, who else can go into a shadow-infested library and come out of it by saying 'you live in the universe's greatest library' or whatever the fuck he says? I mean, if you're badass enough to have shown up in multitudes of books detailing the kind of destruction you've wrought, I figure you're worthy of my admiration."_

For another thing, he thought the Beatles were the shit.

"_I'm sorry, but you've got to be the greatest rock band ever if you eventually get an entire musical set to your music."_

Also, Kurt said dude. Kurt-don't-call-me-dude-Hummel said dude, while high. All the freaking time. It was trippy and vexing and awesome all rolled into one. Like a trippy-vexing-awesome ball. So when Kurt smoked with Puck, he dropped his various armors (_don't call me dude, I'm a sarcastic bitch, fashion is the way of life_) and they got to be really good friends. It was weird, but cool, so Puck didn't complain. Eventually they started talking about all sorts of various bullshit, stoned or sober. And yeah, Puck might have told Kurt about how much it sucked that he had to take care of his little sister because his Dad wasn't around. He told Kurt about how sometimes he thought it was his fault that his Dad left. He even told Kurt about the time when he was trying to welcome Quinn into his home during the pregnancy, but ended up in a smoking kitchen with two angry women screaming at him and a smoldering meatloaf.

But people always said weird shit when they were high.

Kurt told him about how he would lie beside his mother's open dresser when things got too hard at school. He told Puck about how angry he was when his Dad gave him attitude while Kurt was taking care of him after his heart attack, and how guilty Kurt felt for his anger. One night, after Puck got rejected by the waitress at Breadstix (that was a low blow for him, too) Kurt told Puck about his disastrous love life, from Finn's Faggy lamp comment to a guy named Tom that licked Kurt's face at a party, and all the random guys in between.

Being high equals weird shit being said.

"Dude, sometimes, I think I _am_ Eleanor Rigby," Kurt said into the quiet lull that passed between them.

See? Weird. Ass. Shit.

"What?"

"I don't mean literally. I just mean… her story is like, really sad. And my story is kind of sad. And I wonder if anyone would notice if I just dropped dead somewhere. There is serious potential that the only mark I'll leave in this world would be a name on a gravestone."

Puck frowned at Kurt's serious tone. "Dude, you're totally not Eleanor Rigby. You might be Father Mackenzie though."

"Father Mackenzie cares about bullshit that no one pays attention to. In the end he can't save anyone. He's just some sad little Priest who lives in a sad little world. He tries and accomplishes nothing," Kurt said.

"Quit with the melancholy, Hummel, or I'll change the damn song."

"I didn't know you knew such big words, Puckerman," Kurt replied, with his usual sass.

"Hey, I go to college too you know. Just because it isn't some fancy out of state university doesn't mean I can't argue with the best of them.

"Touché," Kurt said, raising his hands in defeat. He lowered them to his lap again and started playing with the hem of his shirt. Puck chose this moment to examine Kurt through his half-lidded eyes. Kurt's eyes were also half-closed, and Puck could barely see the blue irises. His skin was as pale as always, which brought up memories of Coach Sylvester calling Kurt porcelain all the time. His pouty lips were curved into an almost-smile. Kurt's hair was a little messier than usual, mussed from the fedora he was wearing earlier. Puck let his eyes drift down to observe the hard, flat planes of Kurt's chest and arms beneath his navy button up shirt, and the delicate curve of his narrow hips which were tucked away in those sinfully tight jeans. Puck wondered what it would be like to kiss him. Again. For the hundredth time.

Puck couldn't explain it. He never had any sort of urges for men other than the ones he felt for Kurt, and those pretty much occurred when they were high and alone together. Somewhere between an avid discussion about the Doctor and Puck explaining to Kurt about his deep dark fear of Gumby, Puck noticed how long and dark Kurt's eyelashes were. During an argument about Harry Potter, Puck noticed Kurt would suck on his lower lip while thinking of a retort. So yeah, with those thoughts in his head Puck had a couple of wet dreams about his fellow stoner. Some involved Kurt's head between Puck's legs or Kurt just using his hand to get Puck off. One particularly hot dream left Puck with the image of Kurt writhing and moaning and unraveling beneath him. Puck couldn't really look Kurt in the eye without thinking about Coach Beist in a tutu for a week after that one. Puck would daydream about Kurt while he was sober and in class, or at work. Sometimes he'd jack off to the thought of Kurt's pouty lips, red and swollen from kissing, wrapped around Puck's cock. The attraction was beginning to get out of hand, and Puck couldn't shake it for the life of him. It was disconcerting to say the least. Maybe one of these days he would just ask Kurt to make out with him and see what happened. He actually broached the idea to Finn, who promptly said he would kick Puck's ass if he hurt his little brother (even though Kurt was a few months older than him). He_ also_ said that Kurt probably hadn't gotten laid in a while, so if it would help lessen his bitchy mood then he was all for it.

"You've been quiet for a while. What are you thinking about?" Kurt asked as his iPod switched from the Beatles back to Tom Petty.

_Making out with you_, Puck thought. Why was Kurt looking at him like that now? Because he wasn't used to Kurt's eyes going that wide on him or his mouth dropping open like that when he was just concerned.

"I… you… w-what?" Kurt spluttered.

_Well fuck._

Eh, at least the idea was out in the open now, Puck may as well roll with it. "I dunno. I'm hot, you're hot. I'm horny, you're probably horny. I'm bicurious, you're gay. I figure it's a win-win."

"Dude, you're straight."

"Bicurious."

"I don't think that's a real thing." Kurt said with an eyeroll.

"Hell yeah it is. Sometimes you need to try things out on the other side of the fence to see if you like it. I mean, you made out with Brittany."

"Yeah, but that wasn't for confirmation. That was to find a way to get my Dad to pay attention to me. Because I was misguided and confused as a sixteen-year-old."

"Whatever man. I still think we should make out."

"Puck, if you're so interested in trying things out with someone, I'll introduce you to a friend of mine who will be willing to experiment with you without fear of the possible repercussions, okay?" Kurt said, pulling at the collar of his button up shirt.

"But I want to make out with you. Not some random dude." Puck noticed the discomfort and grabbed Kurt's hand, pulling it away from his shirt. Kurt looked at him with a small frown and started sucking on his lower lip again. Puck started leaning in closer. _Damn uninhibited thoughts!_

"Dude, we're friends. It would be more confusing. You shouldn't make out with me." Kurt said shakily. Puck kept leaning in, but Kurt didn't shy away from him. That was a good sign, right?

"But who better to make out with than someone I totally trust?" Wow, that sounded gay. But then, considering the situation it really wasn't the gayest thing about this conversation. Now Puck's face was barely an inch away from Kurt's. He could feel Kurt's breath tickling his cheek. It was a little quicker and shallower, but Kurt still didn't pull away from him.

"Puck… you're high."

"So are you."

"But—" Puck didn't give Kurt a chance to retort. He closed the gap and pressed his lips firmly against Kurt's soft ones. He let go of Kurt's hand and reached around to touch the back of Kurt's head, feeling the soft strands of hair there tickle his palm. It wasn't a bad kiss. Hell, it was openmouthed and kind of hot, but there wasn't a spark. There weren't fireworks. Nothing exciting was coming of this. Puck was almost relieved, but slightly disappointed.

Then Kurt started _responding_ to the kiss. He brushed his tongue against Puck's lower lip and coaxed Puck's to do the same.

And oh wow.

That was awesome.

Kurt's mouth was wet and hot and delicious. It tasted like smoke and mint and something altogether different but still amazing. And his tongue just pulled Puck's in. The muscle wrapped around it and pulled it into Kurt's mouth. And Kurt was _sucking_ on his _tongue_. Puck groaned at that and his dick twitched when he thought of Kurt's mouth repeating the action somewhere else. Kurt's hands fisted in Puck's shirt as Puck slowly dragged his fingertips away from Kurt's head and down his spine. The hand settled on the small of Kurt's back and Puck felt him shiver. Puck finally pulled away to draw in breath and Kurt whimpered at the loss. Puck was about to kiss him again when Kurt held his hand up, putting two long slender fingers against Puck's lips.

"I… you… we… this can't happen, Puck." Kurt whispered, catching his breath. His cheeks were tinted pink and his eyes were slightly out of focus. If Puck didn't know any better, he was pretty sure Kurt was hella turned on. Puck shifted so he was straddling Kurt's legs, pushing him further back against the couch and essentially forcing Kurt's hand to drop. The floor hurt his knees a little bit but he didn't really care. Kurt's eyes fluttered closed for a second and then back open, staring straight into Puck's. Puck always assumed Kurt's eyes were blue, but now that he was close enough to inspect them he realized they were that blue-green version of hazel.

"Why not?"

"I… uh… _oh god_," Puck picked that moment to roll his hips against Kurt's, and Kurt closed his eyes at the action, his mouth falling open a little. He _was_ turned on, if that hardness Puck felt while he rubbed himself against Kurt was anything to go by. Puck wasn't freaked out by it either. He was kind of proud that he had that affect on Kurt already.

"Not really an answer Kurt," he chuckled, using one of his hands to hold Kurt's head in place and placing the other on Kurt's shoulder to keep his balance. Kurt's eyes flew open again and he stared at Puck, almost frightened.

"I… We just can't. This won't end well."

"Why the hell not? It's not like we're boozing Kurt. I'm gonna remember all of this tomorrow morning. Hell, I'll probably still be awake in a couple of hours when the high wears off. I want you. And from the looks of things, you want me too," Puck rolled his hips again, and felt his hand hit the couch cushion when Kurt threw his head back as took in a sharp breath. Puck laughed softly and put his mouth right next to Kurt's ear, letting the warm air just wash over the shell.

"_Oh god oh god oh god…_" Kurt was shuddering now, his eyes were closed again and his hips were bucking slightly. It was as though he were trying to restrain himself, but really, really not wanting to. Puck let his hand trail down Kurt's chest, dragging a finger slowly down the middle. He made little patterns against Kurt's stomach over his shirt with his fingertips while he kept breathing on Kurt's ear.

"So what's stopping us?"

* * *

What was stopping them? Kurt never really had too many inhibitions when it came to sex once he started having it. Except that this was Puck, who he really had mixed feelings for. For one, they were stoned. Really stoned. Like, so incredibly baked that Kurt was surprised he could get it up. So even though Puck said he had no problem and thought there wouldn't be repercussions, Kurt was 99% sure that this would not be happening if they were sober. Everything felt better on a substance. That's why people abused said substances! For another, Puck was his friend, and friends don't take advantage of other friends, whether they're in the midst of a sexual identity crisis or just stone-cold drunk. And while it seemed like Puck was the one who was trying to take advantage of Kurt, Kurt still kind of felt like this was going the other way around. Puck was hot. He had always been hot. And Kurt would be lying if he said he didn't want to tap that. Also, Kurt liked the weird friendship they formed over Tom Petty and Simon and Garfunkel and the Beatles. He liked that they could talk for hours on end about Doctor Who, and that he could say most of the Doctor's were hot and all Puck would do was make a face and say "_whatever, Rose had it goin' on. And don't get me started on how fine Martha was_." He liked that he and Puck could talk about cars and motorcycles and engines. He liked the easy going conversation they had because when Kurt was with guys he wanted to sleep with, he wanted to impress them. He had never wanted to impress Puck, so it just put him in an odd predicament when Puck decided they should make out and straddled him. And he was breathing on Kurt's ear! And it had been a while since Kurt's gotten off with someone and _how_ could Kurt _think_ straight enough to form a _response_ when he was doing _that_ to his _freaking ear_?

Oh and now he was licking and nibbling on Kurt's earlobe.

Kurt was doomed to have sex with Noah Puckerman.

Kurt's brain yelled, _don't do it!_ while his dick cheered. It was really hard to decide which had the right idea at this point because there wasn't enough blood in either organ for him to think _or_ grind properly. And it was all because Puck wouldn't stop with the ear sex!

"Oh god, Puck, y…you have to stop that for just a second." Did he really sound that breathy? See, here it comes. He has to impress the men he sleeps with. Now he was gonna second guess his actions all night.

Puck stopped and kept breathing on Kurt's ear. Hot and cold alternating on the shell of his ear made him squirm uncomfortably. _And now you're squirming. Yeah. Play that off you wanton creep. _"You have to stop that too. Just, move your head away from my ear please." After a moment Puck complied and looked into Kurt's eyes. Huh. Kurt always thought Puck's eyes were brown, but he could see now they were hazel. That was kind of hot. Kurt always had a thing for eyes that changed color. _Gah! Stop that!_

"Look, Puck, we have a good thing going here. I just… I don't want to mess it up, y'know?" Kurt said, frowning a little.

"What's to mess up?" Puck asked with a raised eyebrow.

"…"

"Like, if we're both mature about this, how would our friendship be messed up? You told me about that friends with benefits thing you had going on with that Brian guy, and it sounded like you guys knew what you were doing," Puck went back to Kurt's ear and started breathing on it again, pressing his lips right against the sensitive shell. "We could still be friends and just occasionally get each other off. Like now. Because I'm really hard and you are too, and it seems like a waste to throw all that effort away because you think things will get messed up."

Kurt couldn't breathe. His breath was trapped in his lungs and he couldn't exhale or inhale and his heart was beating so hard he was sure it would find a way to break free from his chest. It was too much, too soon but at the same time he didn't want it to stop. Puck's hard body was pressed against his and the few cognitive functions he had were flying out the window.

"Kurt, I want you." Kurt went still and his breathing hitched again. Puck smiled and sucked on Kurt's earlobe.

"Oh no, not again. Puck, I really think—"

"Stop thinking," Puck said with a smile. Kissing Kurt's cheek and moving his way back to Kurt's mouth. He gently kissed Kurt's lips again and Kurt opened his mouth, grabbing Puck's head and kissing him with a fierce need. Hell, Kurt was only human. What else can you do when there's a hot guy who wants to get off with you? Especially when you haven't gotten off with _anyone_ in _months_! He gave into the needs and wants of his body. Their tongues battled for dominance and Puck's hands flew to the buttons on Kurt's shirt, swiftly undoing them.

* * *

Now this is more like it! It was like when he told Kurt to stop thinking, something snapped inside of the man and he couldn't stop touching. Puck pulled open Kurt's now unbuttoned shirt and let his large, calloused rough hands roam over Kurt's milky-white, smooth chest. One hand paused by a dusty pink nipple and tweaked it, not too kindly, and Kurt moaned into Pucks mouth and bucked his hips right into Pucks crotch. Well if that wasn't one of the hottest things. Puck did it again, this time twisting it and Kurt moaned and bucked again, dropping a hand to Puck's hip and pulling him closer, grinding hard against him. Puck pulled his mouth away and attacked Kurt's neck, kissing and sucking at his pulse point.

"_Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck_," Kurt cursed, reaching for the hem of Puck's shirt and desperately tugging it upwards. His eyes were half-closed and blown out with lust. Puck grinned like a Cheshire cat—who knew Kurt was a talker?—and sat up, still grinding Kurt as he pulled his shirt over his head. He watched Kurt's eyes widen as he took in the sight of Puck's bare chest and couldn't help but smirk a little.

"Like what you see?" Kurt's eyes shot back up to Puck's face and he visibly swallowed. Puck's eyes watched the movement of his Adam's apple with a predatory glint in his eye. "You can touch too, if you want." Kurt's hands flew to Puck's chest, his fingers feeling the hard muscles beneath them. In their current position Kurt's eyes were level with Puck's throat he looked down at the darkened nipples and licked his lips, leaning towards one. Puck gasped when he felt Kurt's warm mouth close around it. He barely scraped at it, teasing the bud with his tongue and teeth until it became hard. Kurt used a hand to tug at Puck's piercing, and Puck let out a low groan, increasing the speed of their grinding. The friction wasn't enough. Puck growled and pulled away from Kurt's body, crawling back on his knees so he was straddling Kurt's shins. Kurt blinked momentarily at the loss then yelped when Puck grabbed his legs and pulled so that Kurt was lying on the floor before covering Kurt's body with his own. Puck kissed Kurt's neck again and rolled his hips, hissing at the new feeling of pleasure. Kurt apparently liked it too.

"Oh my fuck! That… shit! _Oh god oh god oh god_!" Kurt's hands gripped at Puck's shoulder blades and his hips were rising and falling in rhythm with Puck's. Puck grinned at him, pulling his face away from Kurt's neck so he could properly look at him.

"Well, that _is _the idea." Puck's grin widened when he saw Kurt's reaction. His eyes closed and he bit his lip, holding back a moan, like the idea of Puck fucking him was the best thing ever. "Do you want that, Kurt? Do you want me to fuck you?"

"Oh, _god_! Puck! I…. oh god I need… fuck," The redness that stained his cheeks earlier had covered his entire face now and was slowly covering his chest. His hair pressed against his scalp, covered in sweat, and his lips were swollen and dark. His eyes flew open and he looked at Puck as though he was craving for some sort of contact, his pupils were dilated and he looked so desperate that Puck wanted to _make_ him come. Right then and there. But despite the fact that Puck was really turned on by that idea, and despite the fact that he and Kurt were friends, Puck was still an asshole and still a sex shark. Therefore he really got a joy out of making his partners fall apart. He was kind of a dick that way.

"What is it? What do you need, Kurt?" he asked silkily, slowly rotating his hips over Kurt's. Kurt choked out another moan, tossing his head back and cracking it on the floor. Puck winced a little for him, but Kurt didn't seem to notice.

"_Puuuuck_! Please!" His hips were bucking up more frantically now and Puck held them in place while he continued his slow rut against Kurt.

"Please what?" He lowered his mouth to that damn ear again and Kurt moaned like a fucking whore. Hell if this wasn't the hottest shit. He would have to remember the ear thing and try it again when they weren't high, and see if Kurt still moaned like that when his ear was only _breathed_ on. "Kurt, you have to tell me. How can I help you out if you don't tell me what you want?" he asked, licking Kurt's ear again.

"Oh you motherfucking piece of—_ah_!" Puck bit Kurt's ear sharply and gave a particularly harsh jab with his hips at Kurt's comment, before returning to that slow, delicious, _maddening_ grind. Puck realized he could do this all day. He could torment Kurt like this for _hours_, licking and biting and marking that white, flawless skin. He could provide just enough friction to get Kurt hard as fuck, but make him moan and come apart at his fingertips. Suddenly that seemed like a good idea. He nipped at Kurt's ear again. "Oh my… oh god… Puck I can't… it's too much _please_! I have to… oh god you have to touch me! _Please please please_!" Kurt dragged his nails down Puck's back with yearning and lust.

"But I am touching you. I'm touching you here," and Puck lifted a hand to tweak an over sensitized nipple, ripping another moan from Kurt, "and here," he dragged his fingers down the taut stomach and rubbed around Kurt's bellybutton, "and here," Puck put his mouth down to where Kurt's neck and shoulder met and sucked.

"FUCK! Oh god you would be a tease! You demented fucking asshole!" Kurt cried out, trying to buck his hips against Pucks again but to no avail. His voice was starting to get hoarse.

"You just have to tell me. What do you expect from a guy whose biggest word is apparently melancholy?" Puck grinned against Kurt's skin and went back to sucking and biting. Then he felt a hand move between their erections. "Hey now, that's cheat—oh fuck," Kurt's hand unbuttoned and unzipped Puck's fly, slipping into the jeans and grabbing his cock. This was why Puck went commando. You never knew when sex would strike. Kurt swiped his thumb over the head of Puck's cock and slowly started stroking. Kurt's hips went up and down with his hand against Puck. Puck stared down at him, his blue eyes barely open, his face entirely flushed… it was so amazingly sexy. Puck had never seen Kurt like this. He let his hand slide from Kurt's hip to his fly, hovering over the brass button at the top. Kurt's body stilled and his eyes were wide open. He bit his lip again, never stopping the movement of his hand on Puck's cock.

"You're so hot like this, Kurt," he said breathlessly as he popped the button. His hand moved down to the zipper and he leaned closer to Kurt's face, barely an inch away. Their lips brushed together as he slowly dragged the zipper down. Suddenly Puck was very unsure of himself. He'd never willingly even _looked_ at another guy's dick, especially not when they were hard. The idea of touching, well… Puck was a bit at a loss of what to do. Kurt's eyes started closing again and a small sigh escaped his lips, the air washing over Pucks skin. "I'm… I'm not sure what to do now," Puck said uncertainly. This was why he wanted to do this with Kurt. Because when it came down to it they were friends, and if nothing else Kurt wouldn't get_ too_ pissy or laugh _too_ much at Puck's expense.

Kurt didn't laugh at all. He just drew in a breath slowly before he started speaking, "Just… just help me pull off my jeans. I'll do everything but… I can't…"

"Okay," Puck lifted his hips and pulled Kurt's jeans and boxer-briefs down in one fluid motion. Kurt's reddened cock sprang up, leaking precum. Puck stared at it momentarily. That was disturbingly hot too. Then Puck saw and felt Kurt's hand leave his cock and he moaned slightly at the loss. "What are you doing?" he asked, his eyes following the pale hand to Kurt's face. Kurt licked his hand—like, really licked it—and put it between them again. Suddenly Puck felt Kurt's very hard cock right against his with Kurt's wet hand wrapped around them both. Then Puck shut his eyes when he felt Kurt's hand moving, up and down and twisting. He shuddered a little at how good it all felt. His eyes opened when he heard Kurt start up his litany of curses again.

"_oh-fucking-holy-hell-this-feels-so-good__!_" he said in a rush, his eyes tightly closed and his hips bucking harder and harder with every stroke. "fuck-fuck-_fuckity _damn I'm so close… I'm so _close_, Puck! I can't… I have to _oh god_!" Puck stared down at Kurt, keeping his body propped up on his elbows as he watched the other man's mouth work. He heard the moaning and the keening and just watched as Kurt's mouth would open to let out another groan. He watched the way Kurt's lips and tongue formed those curse words that were spilling from his mouth with fervor. Puck licked his own hand and put it between them, feeling his own cock and Kurt's as he wrapped his hand around them. Kurt's eyes shot open, filled with desire.

Puck started moving his hand with Kurt's and Kurt threw his head back against the floor again. "Puck! I'm gonna… oh god _I'm gonna come_! I… oh fucking hell don't stop please please _please_! I'm_ sooooo _close and I need it please Puck, please I have to… please let me… _oh god oh god oh go_—" Puck pressed his mouth to Kurt's and swallowed his pleas and moans. He felt Kurt's hips bucking more erratically and suddenly he felt something hot and wet and sticky pelting him, flowing over his hand and his cock. Kurt's body started to still and Puck pulled his hand away and sat up on his knees, Kurt's hand still on his cock, to look at him. Kurt's head had rolled to the side. His eyes were closed and he was gasping like a fish that had been pulled from the water. His lips were dark and red and covered with spit and there were dark red marks on his neck. His dark blue shirt was spread open so Puck could see his chest, which was the same deep pink as his face. His pants were halfway down his thighs and his cock was limp and covered with cum, which also was on his stomach and a little was on the inside of his shirt. He looked entirely spent. And his hand was still moving vigorously on Puck's cock. The sight of Kurt so undone sent Puck over the edge and he came into Kurt's willing hand, spreading his own seed on Kurt's stomach and chest. After the tremors stopped he lowered himself down on one side of Kurt and laid his head on his friend's shoulder. There was really only one thing he could say to surmise his feelings on the whole thing.

"Fuck."

"I know," Kurt said lazily back, turning his head so he was facing the ceiling. His eyes opened and he looked very thoughtful. Puck stared at him, almost nervously.

"Thoughts?" he asked, bracing himself for the worst.

"Mmm. I'm amazed we didn't break the bong," Kurt said, gesturing to the glass pipe he had set down earlier. It was so close to them it was pretty surprising they didn't bump into it. They sat in silence for a minute.

"So that's what gay sex is like, huh?" Puck asked, staring at the ceiling as well. He noticed Kurt's iPod had stopped playing. It must have gone through the playlist.

"Well, I guess. I mean, it was sex. Between two guys. Which pretty much constitutes gay sex." Kurt answered.

"Well, I figured that, genius. I just meant the whole handjob thing… that's all there is to it?"

"Finding yourself unsatisfied?" Kurt asked, defensively.

"No, dude. That was awesome! No… I just wondered if people do that… differently."

"Yeah, Puck. Different girls jerk you off differently, right? Half the time I don't even _do_ the frottage thing." Kurt sat up and cracked his neck, then rubbed the back of his head with a wince. Puck smiled sympathetically. Kurt did just kind of throw it back into a hardwood floor. Twice. Kurt stood up, pulling his jeans and underwear up. He started walking to the bathroom that was downstairs with them.

"Where are you going?" Puck asked.

"I'm getting a washcloth so we can clean up. Normally I would have licked off the cum, but I don't think you're ready to see that side of me just yet," Kurt said with a smirk as he disappeared into the smaller room.

"You do _what_?"

An hour later, after clean up and much deliberation about what they should put on TV, Kurt was stretched out on the couch with his head in Puck's lap. This action took quite a bit of coaxing and reassurances of "no, I'm not gonna have a big gay freakout on you," and "yes, I'm okay, I would actually not mind cuddling," and "Kurt just put your fucking head on my lap!" The piece was put away and MST3K was playing with gusto.

"Well, I hope you realize you've effectively ruined our budding bromance," Kurt said with a little sigh.

"We had a bromance?"

"We totally had a bromance. This was like you trying to romance Finn, only more successful because my hormones like to have hot young men grinding on me and Finn's do not."

Puck stared at him, somewhat bemused and Kurt shifted uncomfortably, still staring at the crappy b-rated flick playing before him. It wasn't until after a very wry comment from Crow that Puck spoke again.

"We do not have a bromance, Kurt."

"Well no, not anymore. But we did. I've seen what you straight boys get up to, and quite frankly this falls in that category. You know. Well, it did. Until the sex. Which ruined it."

"Kurt, we don't have a bromance. We have stoner friendship. Not a bromance."

"Do we or do we not sing random songs together?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"We talk about our relationship problems?"

"Well, yeah but…"

"If anything, the high aspect of our friendship makes this a _bromancing the stone_ type of situation."

"What?"

"It's on urban dictionary. Look it up. We had an unusually close, non-sexual friendship, yes?"

"Yeah…"

"There you have it. Bromance. We are totally J.D. and Turk. Well, we were."

"From scrubs?" Puck shook his head. Kurt's head shifted a little in his lap and he sighed a little. "You know what's funny about J.D. and Turk? I bet they would be really hot together," Puck grinned. Kurt's eyebrows shot up and he turned to look at Puck.

"What do you mean by together?"

"You know, _together_? Don't tell me you haven't thought about it. They were totally getting their freak on."

"They were not! That was the whole point of their relationship on the show. They were so peculiarly close that they had to be doing something but they weren't because they were just friends! It was what made it funny," Kurt said, exasperated. Puck bent down and started talking right against Kurt's ear again.

"I bet they were. I bet J.D. was just waiting for Turk to get away from Carla so they could fuck like rabbits."

"Oh please."

"And I bet when they first hooked up, they just rutted against each other in the janitors closet until they came. That's probably why the Janitor was so irritated. There were cum stains in his office."

"You see, you're trying to be dirty, and you're just being gross," Kurt said, trying to wriggle away.

The door opened and Kurt shot up and sat clear on the other end of the couch from Puck.

"Hey guys?" Finn's voice drifted down towards them as he descended the stairs.

"What's up, Finn?" Kurt asked, idly playing with the hem of his shirt, still staring at the screen. Puck smirked and also returned his attention to the movie.

"I was just wondering what you were up to? I was hoping I could hang out."

"Things not go too well with Rachel?" Kurt asked sympathetically.

"Quinn, Kurt. Quinn." Kurt rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry. Whatever high school sweetheart you're chasing these days."

"She threw a drink in my face," Finn said as he sat down between them on the couch. "Is this definitely okay? I don't want to infringe on your _bromancing the stone_ time or anything."

"Seriously?" Puck turned to Kurt at the use of the phrase.

"Told you. Even Finn knows it. Get with the 21st century lingo, Puckerman. Finn, we're watching MST3K, hope that's alright."

"Cool. I didn't want to impose on your bro time or anything."

"We aren't bros!" Puck snarled as Finn shifted a little between them.

"But you have like… a J.D. and Turk relationship. Seriously. It's eerie."

"See? Why don't you believe me when I talk to you?" Kurt said with a smirk.

Puck scowled and continued watching the movie.

"I still say J.D. and Turk made out at any opportunity."

"Ew gross! They did not! Just because you have bizarre, pent-up sexual frustration toward my brother doesn't mean J.D. and Turk have gay sex with each other. Don't tarnish my favorite shows, man." Kurt spluttered at this and looked from Finn to Puck.

"What?"

"You didn't know? Oh shit, Puck I'm sorry! I thought you guys did the nasty already! Oh crap you backed out didn't you!" Puck face palmed. Kurt glared at Finn for a minute, then at Puck.

"You were planning on seducing me for a while now, weren't you?" he asked with a snarl.

"Well… kind of?" Puck said with a wince.

"And here I thought I was taking advantage of you. This entire time I was worried about the repercussions to our friendship."

"Well, no harm no foul, right?" Puck asked with a sheepish grin. Kurt pursed his lips and looked away. Finn looked a little like he was an animal trapped between the two of them.

"Dude, you just said we're bros! We've got a bromance! Now do you really want to throw it away because of something as silly as a seduction between friends?"

"Ask me that after you suck me off mister. Only then will I be in a good enough mood to forgive you."

Finn spluttered. "Dude! Not here! Not in front of me! Ew ew ew ew ew ew!" Finn got up and all but ran up the stairs, slamming the door behind him.

Puck looked at Kurt and licked his lips. Kurt crossed his legs and frowned a little deeper.

"I could, y'know. If you wanted," Puck said with a strange glint in his eye. Kurt turned to look at him incredulously.

"Puck, you are something else."

"Well, baby, what can I say? I'm a sex shark." Kurt's frown turned into a small smile and he rolled his eyes, turning back to the screen.

"Puck, watch the movie. We'll save blowjobs for another day. We'll have a beer first, okay?"

"Will you give me one too?"

"You remember how I feel about sucking cock, right?"

"That was the first conversation that made me say, 'that Kurt Hummel would be fun to screw,' if I do recall."

"Well there you go. Now hush. That actress looks a lot like Rachel and I want to see her eaten by that giant lizard."

* * *

A/N: Well, there you have it. My first real attempt at smut. I'm not sure I like the ending. It was kind of like I just had to end it because it was getting ridiculous. Meh. Hope you liked it. Please drop a review!


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